apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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