have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
