wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
