I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
