I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
even my farts smell like vagina
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
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