I want to have your abortion
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
