my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Oh god it's open bar.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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