Whod you bang
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Is it because I queefed?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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