Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
