my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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