ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
