Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
