He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
