Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
