I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
