I wish I could teleport
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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