You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
