your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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