watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
