Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
