I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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