I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
