Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
