On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize