Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
