Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You've changed since you got that strap on
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
