y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
