Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
