Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
