I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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