then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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