Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
