My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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