I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
