I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
