I CAN MOONWALK!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I lost the right to judge tonight
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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