Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We are two peas in an std pod
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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