guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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