Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
