do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
