Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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