and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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