dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
