Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
