I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
