hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
