THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
