Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
