i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
