the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize