New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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