CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
