Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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