And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
