Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
