how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
