So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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