are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
it's like iHOP with fire
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
