She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Barsexuality is the new black.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
