Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
