drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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