I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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