If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
