So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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