Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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